The Women Behind Raymond Reddington: Unpacking James Spader's Only Marriage And 20-Year Partnership

As of late 2025, James Spader is not currently married, a surprising fact for a star who has maintained one of Hollywood's most enduring, yet private, long-term relationships. The enigmatic actor, best known for his roles as Raymond Reddington in *The Blacklist* and Alan Shore in *Boston Legal*, has only been married once. That marriage was to set decorator Victoria Spader (née Kheel), which ended in 2004. Since then, Spader has been in a committed, two-decade-long partnership with actress and sculptor Leslie Stefanson, a relationship that is often mistaken for a marriage. This deep dive uncovers the details of the two most significant women in the famously private actor’s life, exploring their careers, their children with Spader, and the unique dynamics of his family life today. The curiosity surrounding James Spader's personal life remains high, driven by his intensely complex on-screen characters. His real-life romantic history is far less dramatic than his roles, characterized by long-term commitment and a fierce dedication to privacy. The current state of his personal life centers on his partner, Leslie Stefanson, and his three sons.

James Spader: A Complete Biography and Profile

James Spader, born February 7, 1960, in Boston, Massachusetts, is an American actor known for his distinctive voice and ability to portray eccentric and morally ambiguous characters.

• Full Name: James Todd Spader
• Date of Birth: February 7, 1960
• Age (in 2025): 65
• Place of Birth: Boston, Massachusetts, U.S.
• Parents: Jean Fraser (née Spader) and Stoddard Greenwood "Todd" Spader (both teachers)
• Education: Dropped out of Phillips Academy to pursue acting in New York City.
• Net Worth: Estimated to be around $30 million, largely due to his long-running television career.
• Notable Roles: Graham Dalton (*sex, lies, and videotape*), Steff McKee (*Pretty in Pink*), Alan Shore (*The Practice*, *Boston Legal*), Robert California (*The Office*), and Raymond "Red" Reddington (*The Blacklist*).
• Awards: Three Emmy Awards (all for his work as Alan Shore), and the Cannes Film Festival Best Actor Award for *sex, lies, and videotape*.
• Marital Status (2025): Divorced; currently in a long-term partnership.
• Ex-Wife: Victoria Spader (née Kheel) (m. 1987; div. 2004)
• Current Partner: Leslie Stefanson (since 2002)
• Children: Sebastian Spader (b. 1989), Elijah Spader (b. 1992), and Nathaneal Spader (b. 2008)

Victoria Spader: The Only Woman James Spader Married

Victoria Spader, formerly Victoria Kheel, holds the distinction of being the only woman James Spader has ever officially married. Their relationship began long before Spader became a household name, rooting their connection in the actor's early career days.

The Early Years and Marriage

Victoria Kheel was working as a set decorator and designer in the film industry when she first met James Spader. The couple reportedly met in a yoga studio in New York City, a quiet beginning to a relationship that would last nearly two decades.

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They married in 1987, a pivotal time in Spader's career, shortly after his breakthrough roles in 1980s films like *Pretty in Pink* and *Mannequin*. Their marriage lasted for 17 years, concluding with their divorce in 2004.

A Shared Family Legacy

During their marriage, James and Victoria welcomed two sons, establishing the foundation of Spader's family life:

• Sebastian Spader (b. 1989): Now in his mid-30s, Sebastian has followed a path in film and music production.
• Elijah Spader (b. 1992): Also in his early 30s, Elijah maintains a very private life, away from the public eye.

Victoria Spader's career as a set decorator saw her contribute to various film projects, demonstrating her own creative talent behind the camera. Despite the divorce, the two have maintained a cordial relationship focused on co-parenting their two eldest sons.

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Leslie Stefanson: The Unmarried, Decades-Long Partnership

The biggest point of confusion for fans searching for "James Spader wife" is his relationship with Leslie Stefanson. Spader and Stefanson have been partners since 2002, making their relationship one of the most stable and longest-running in Hollywood, despite the fact they have never married.

Meeting on Set and a Quiet Commitment

Spader met Leslie Stefanson, an actress and model, on the set of the film *Alien Hunter* in 2002. Their connection quickly deepened, and they began dating while Spader was still legally married to Victoria, though his first marriage was reportedly already winding down.

Leslie Stefanson is a notable entity in her own right, having appeared in films like *The General's Daughter* and *Unbreakable*. However, she has largely scaled back her acting career to focus on family and an entirely new artistic pursuit.

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From Actress to Professional Sculptor

In a unique career transition, Stefanson has become an accomplished professional sculptor. She studied anatomy and figure sculpture extensively in both Los Angeles and New York City, a deep dive into art that is a testament to her creative drive. Her work is a significant part of her current professional identity, moving her far beyond her initial career in modeling and acting. This shared appreciation for the arts is a foundational element of their long-term bond.

The couple welcomed their son, Nathaneal Spader, in 2008. Nathaneal, now a teenager, completes the trio of James Spader’s children, all of whom he is fiercely protective of. The family lives a quiet, private life in New York City, away from the typical Hollywood spotlight.

The Blacklist and Spader's Private Life Philosophy

James Spader's intense privacy is a defining characteristic of his life, contrasting sharply with the flamboyant, public nature of his most famous character, Raymond Reddington. This desire for discretion extends to his relationships. Spader has rarely, if ever, spoken publicly about the dynamics of his partnership with Leslie Stefanson or the details of his divorce from Victoria Spader.

His commitment to Leslie Stefanson for over two decades, without the formal title of "wife," suggests a relationship built on deep, personal commitment rather than legal or public formality. For Spader, the strength of the bond appears to be what matters, not the wedding ring. This private approach allows him to maintain a separation between his high-profile career and his personal sanctuary, a strategy that has kept his family life stable throughout his tenure on successful series like *The Blacklist* and *Boston Legal*. The actor's focus remains on his craft and his role as a father to Sebastian, Elijah, and Nathaneal, making his personal life a testament to quiet, enduring commitment.

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